19 April 2012

Review: Fifty Shades of Grey by EL James.

Fifty Shades of Grey by E.L. James
Published:May 26th, 2011
Acquired: Friend
Format: Kindle edition
Genre:Adult Erotica
Recommend to: No one. Not. A. One.
When literature student Anastasia Steele is drafted to interview the successful young entrepreneur Christian Grey for her campus magazine, she finds him attractive, enigmatic and intimidating. Convinced their meeting went badly, she tries to put Grey out of her mind - until he happens to turn up at the out-of-town hardware store where she works part-time.
The unworldly, innocent Ana is shocked to realize she wants this man, and when he warns her to keep her distance it only makes her more desperate to get close to him. Unable to resist Ana’s quiet beauty, wit, and independent spirit, Grey admits he wants her - but on his own terms.
Shocked yet thrilled by Grey's singular erotic tastes, Ana hesitates. For all the trappings of success – his multinational businesses, his vast wealth, his loving adoptive family – Grey is a man tormented by demons and consumed by the need to control. When the couple embarks on a passionate, physical and daring affair, Ana learns more about her own dark desires, as well as the Christian Grey hidden away from public scrutiny.
Can their relationship transcend physical passion? Will Ana find it in herself to submit to the self-indulgent Master? And if she does, will she still love what she finds?
Erotic, amusing, and deeply moving, the Fifty Shades Trilogy is a tale that will obsess you, possess you, and stay with you forever.

My thoughts:

You're serious.
This is a New York Times number one best seller?
Why? Why are people STILL claiming how "good" it is how much they "loved" it. Have you never read a decent piece of literature in your life? Not to say this is literature, but come on
Okay, I'm abusing italics.
I was excited to read this book because I like a little romance & erotica every now and then, but I didn't expect this. This wasn't erotic nor was it romantic.
When Ana first meets Christian it's more than obvious that this is a fanfic of Twilight; Ana's clumsy, continuously bites her lip, doesn't understand why a guy--any guy--would be attracted to her and ridiculously naive. (Bella looks like f***ing Wonder Woman compared to Anna.)
There was a moment in the book where I put it down, and laughed. A good hearty laugh. I'm not exactly sure where it was, the whole thing is purely comedic. I wasn't going to continue reading it, but I kind of wanted to know how it ended so, I basically skimmed through. I mainly read their e-mails, though idiotic were still cute.
The actual writing in this book was poor at best. The repeating of sentences, phrases, thoughts, over and over and over again. I believe she mentioned her subconscious about 80 times (this is not an exaggeration but fact) and I wanted nothing more than for her "subconscious" to shut the hell up. And her inner goddess (mentioned about 60 times)? Ha. HA. HA! What a slut.
BDSM. I'm not one who is a fan of this. I don't want to be "controlled" and I don't want to "control" someone. So that whole aspect was bad enough in and of itself. And the fact that she was actually scared that if she did something wrong he'd hurt her wasn't a red flag to her? There's a difference between love and obsession.
For anyone who wants to read a romance or even erotica you can buy a $3 or $4 book from Blaze or Harlequin on a WalMart shelf. Why the f*ck would you want to pay ANYTHING more than $.01 for this book!? Seriously. WHY DO PEOPLE LIKE THIS!?
Christian was no where near sexy for me. No matter who I tried to picture playing him. It was completely pathetic.
And now they're making it a movie. That's completely unfair. And how will they even do it!?
I say Jack Black plays Christian and Busy Philips plays Ana. Heh. Now THAT would be interesting.

Please please please please stop buying this book & reading it. Just stop. Read books that deserve this attention.

Ending:  (because it ended not because it was "good")

Author Info:
I didn't take the time to look.
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